days 24 & 25

Days 24 & 25: I am still struggling. There, I said it. I really think I should be having an easier time of it by now. But I’m not. I have been ending before the timer goes off lately because the whole time I’m sitting there with my eyes closed trying to meditate, I just feel like I’m sitting with my eyes closed! And more thoughts come at me than ever. I’m going to Hawaii tomorrow with my friend and meditation partner so I know I will have some good sessions there. I'm grateful to be in the practice but I just want to feel more peaceful in it no matter if I’m sitting with someone else or by myself.

day 23

Day 23: Today was pretty good. No wait, today was good. I realized the other day that with all of the crazy thoughts that fly into my mind, there are also moments of calm. It’s like a glass half empty/half full thing. I can choose to remember only that I had chaos in my mind or I can know that there was also beauty. I am choosing to look at the beautiful practice that I am creating.

days 21 & 22

Days 21 & 22: The last 2 days were better. I meditated both days with my friend. We exercised first and then sat down for 20 minutes to practice. There is something that helps me to settle and calm my mind more when I have the energy of another person who is there with me. I tend to isolate a lot when I am sad or frustrated so this is a welcome change for me.

day 12

Day 12: Speaking of dogs, I have a gorgeous 70 lb. black lab mix named Ruby. She was a rescue and I love her more than anything. She is a handful though. Today I turned on the timer and started to breathe. In and out. Om sa. Suddenly Ruby starts to bark like only a 70 lb. dog can. I told myself that it didn’t matter what was going on outside of me. I am calm and breathing. She kept barking. Now she came into my room and onto the bed where I was “peacefully” sitting with my eyes closed. Still barking. I started breathing deeper. Still barking. Finally I reached out and grabbed her, with my eyes closed as if I was still meditating. I started saying om sa out loud like I knew it would calm her. It didn’t. Sigh

day 8

Day 8: An amazing woman I know recently opened a business called Unplug Meditation here in Los Angeles. It’s brilliant. Unplug is doing for meditation what was done for yoga years ago; making it accessible. I tried it out and it was so helpful. The space is very simple and calming. They have these super comfortable chairs and the lights are soft and low. There is an instructor to gently guide you through. It was a perfect way for me start feeling more comfortable in my practice. I want to go back. It would be great to go once a week to help keep me on track. If you are beginning to meditate I hope you get an Unplug in your city soon! Check out www.unplugmeditation.com

day 5

Day 5: I decided not to put so much emphasis on whether or not I “practiced” every day. I told myself that even if I was only able to sit a few days a week, it would be ok, it would still be beneficial. To judge myself so harshly defeats the purpose, and that taking some of the pressure off will help me to actually do it. So that day I leisurely turned off the alerts and turned on the timer. 20 minutes. I kept breathing and saying “om sa, om sa”. Now I was so aware of my breathing that each breath started to feel forced. It was like I couldn’t get a deep enough breath. I was trying too hard to control each breath and it was making me anxious. Aaaahhh! When will I be able to meditate like everyone else? When will I start to feel like I’m really meditating?